Hey Lovelies! I hope you are all doing well. إن شاء الله
I know I have not posted for a while, I apology. I have been super busy with Eid (Yes I am well aware that Eid was 3 weeks ago, but what can I say, Eid festivities are still going on in my family, in fact the festivities have just officially ended on Wednesday. The week after Eid, I started University again; I’ve been trying to get back into the routine of things, its difficult after 6 month of doing nothing, going bed in the early hours of the morning and waking up at noon (All my lectures/classes start at 9am, so you can imagine how I feel “OHH How I hate early mornings”. Enough of my nonsense rambling let’s get on with the actually post.
Over this past month I have come across five adorable types of aunties that we all will/have come across at some point.
The Human Weighing scale
Forget that dilapidated, old weighing scale you have in your house that insults you each time you step on it! Say HELLO to the “The Human Weighing Scale”. This aunty will always have an issue with your weight. Meet them after a week of absence, and they will be able to determine the difference in your weight up to the last gram.
Human Weighing scale: Hi beta! Look at how “kamzor” (weak) you have become. Are you on one of those crazy diets where you starve yourself. You girls these days don’t eat at all. You need EAT NA!
Me: *Smile* (One doesn’t know how to respond to such comment)
2 WEEKS LATER!
Human Weighing scale: Hi beta! Why are you so fat? You should join the gym, I have joined a gym, why don’t you come with me too?
Me: *Smile* *HELL NO stay the hell away from me, woman* (Under my breath) “Of course aunty, I will join the gym today”.
There is no pleasing the human weighing scale, so just sit tight while she comments on your shape and form. If she doesn’t stop sooner or later, just sit on her. That ought to teach her a lesson or two.
Gossip Queen Aunty
Gossip queens! Annoying social butterflies. This Aunty knows everything about everybody that lives in the same neighbourhood as her. She will never pass a chance to gossip about others. She knows that Mr Iqbal’s daughter is going out with Mr Khan’s son; she know how the 28-year-old woman down the road is experiencing hair loss problems and how Mr Ali daughter rejected her 5th proposal this month. She knows everything about everyone and will always have something to say about somebody and if she doesn’t have any new gossip, she will simply make things up because why not? If you ever come in contact with the gossip queen don’t not make eye contact and just run, RUN in the opposite direction, as fast as you can. (Makes you wonder how this Aunty has so much time on her hand).
The Traditional Aunty
This Aunty is best friends with the gossip queen Aunty, but the only difference between them is she is still living in the 18th century. She is very narrow-minded and will judge you no matter what. The world is moving forward, but unfortunately she is still stuck in the 18th century. She will judge you based on the way you dress, the way you talk, they way you eat. EVERYTHING! There is no way out from her narrow-minded judgment. You just have to sit there listening to her comments hoping she shuts up soon.
The Traditional Aunty: Aiyo. Last Monday I saw Pammi’s daughter talking to some boy I felt so ashamed just looking at her. In my days, we never even used look at boys, let alone talk to them. Girls these days are so BESHARAM (shameless) my goodness”.
Me: Who Pammi’s daughter talks is non of your business. It shouldn’t concern you think about your own children. For all you know it could have been her brother or a relative. You need to STOP worrying about other people’s daughter and start to worry about your own.
The Show-Off Aunty
The show off Aunty, this Aunty is always boasting about one thing or another. She likes to make an entrance. She likes to make others aware of how awesome her life is, even at the expense of making others feel bad. She will talk about her expensive jewelry, her designer clothes, her new car and even her dog. BUT 99.9% of the time whatever she is boasting about is extreme exaggeration.
The Show-Off Aunty: My son is doing really well for himself he completed his degree and now is doctor at a big hospital. You should follow his example. I’ll tell him to give you a call, he can help you out.
Me: *Smiles* (Errm last time you came you said he was studying engineering. Didn’t know you could become a doctor by studying engineering. And isn’t your son 13 years old) **is what I want to say, but end up saying** OH! WOW you must be very proud. And thank you Aunty that would be very nice of you.
The Match Maker Aunty
We have all come across this Aunty and if you haven’t, all I can say to you is your lucky very lucky. This Aunty is more worried about finding you a man than she is about her own life. Her ultimate goal in life is to find you a suitable partner. She is the walking, breathing matrimonial site, even shaadi.com is a failure compared to her. She will find you the most suitable match with exactly the same height, complexion, and salary.
The match maker Aunty: Hi beta!How are you, are your parents in. I have found a suitable rishta (marriage proposal) for you. His 5.9 ft a doctor and earns around £70000 a year and has his own house.
Me: *standing at the door embarrassed and annoyed, thinking to myself WHY OH WHY does it have to be me couldn’t she have found someone else to match make. Sorry Aunty mum and dad aren’t in I’ll let them know you came. *shuts the door before she says something else.
This list is in no way exhaustive. Just based on my encounters, feel. free to add to it!